We are the reckless (the wild youth)
by Elixir.BB
Summary: Well, he thinks as he watches Astrid heft her belongings into the car quickly and slide into the passenger seat, buckling her seatbelt, shifting down in the seat, trying to get comfortable for the long drive ahead, my life just got infinitely more interesting. Modern!AU


_**Disclaimer**__: Yeah…I own nothing. _

_**Author's Note**__: HI! Yeah! Okay, hi! So, this is my first foray into HTTYD fanfic and I just couldn't help it. Hopefully, this will be interesting. I hope you all like it. This fandom just seems so awesome and wonderful and I've been working up the courage to join and offer my meager story, so hopefully it won't be a complete waste of your guys' time! But yeah. So, this is a Modern!AU Hiccstrid and it starts off kinda vague and maybe OOC but hopefully it will all make sense later on in the story. I just want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who is reading and giving this a chance. It means a lot to me and I just hope that you guys like it. Also, I would LOVE to get to know you guys! So just PM me or tumblr me (elixirbb) if you wanna chat or have questions or really anything. I'm a nice person! I swear!_

_**Warnings**__: So, there are some triggers in this story. Mentions of bullying and abandonment issues, accidents, character deaths…most of that is in the past but just thought I would flag it. So, just be wary in reading this. _

_Also: the title is taken from Youth by Daughter. So…not mine_. _Any mistakes are mine and mine alone! I apologize if they offend anyone! Reviews, as always, are very much appreciated! Hope you all enjoy!_

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><p><em>We are the reckless (the wild youth)<em>

Part 1

_Babe, there's something wretched about this, _

_Something so precious about this, _

_Where to begin?_

_Babe, there's something broken about this, _

_But I might be open about this. _

_Oh, what a sin. _

_From Eden_ – Hozier

* * *

><p>She walks along the beach, sand warm beneath her feet leaving imprints in their wake as the waves lull against the shore. Seagulls fly overhead, their noises and calls echoing in the early morning. The breeze is warm; the sky alit with a kaleidoscope of colors.<p>

Her flip-flops feel heavy in her hands as she carries them loosely between her fingers, gaze staring ahead to the pier.

She doesn't know how long she's been out here, walking along the beach until her feet ache and her muscles clench with exhaustion, heart pounding in tune with the waves. She throws her flip-flops over the ledge, listening as they thud against the wood of the pier and she climbs up the rocks, leveraging herself against the ledge until she can get one leg up and then another one, swinging around until she straddles the wood, breathing deeply at the sight before her, eyes narrowing at the body at the end of the pier, elbows on the ledge, shoulders slumped. She can make out his worn out converse sneakers from her spot.

Her chest clenches and whirls and she almost doubles over, suddenly incapable of breathing.

She swings both legs over and quietly lands on the pier, slipping on her discarded flip-flops and makes her way slowly, cautiously to the figure, ignoring the incessant madness of her beating heart and she yanks the sleeves of her shirt over the palms of her hand, trying to dry the clamminess that overcomes them.

"Hiccup?" She calls out softly, almost cautiously, unaware of his reaction.

He pretends that he doesn't hear her but she _knows_ he does. She recognizes it from the tension that suddenly coils in his shoulder, she recognizes it in how ramrod straight his back becomes and she recognizes in the hitch of his breath that carries with the soft breeze.

He doesn't say anything and she continues to tug and pull at the sleeves of her shirt, suddenly freezing in the warm weather. She watches the sun inch higher across the horizon, starts to listen as people awaken and cars fill the roads, honks disrupting the calm. She hears people in the distance, screams and laughter and excitement buzzing in the atmosphere.

(Once upon a time, she remembers when everything was fine. When everyone was happy and when they all made plans etched with _forever and always_ and _I'll never forget you. _But, once upon a time's don't exist in real life and _forever and always_ ended up being a figure of speech and _I'll never forget you_ turned to ash from the mouths that spoke them in reverence. All _except_ him. All except Hiccup who tried to hold on to the only semblance of life, of sanity he had. And she took it from him.)

(Astrid Hofferson manages to take everything from Hiccup without even trying.)

"Hiccup." She tries again, horrified to find her voice breaking, horrified to find tears stinging behind her eyes, horrified to find her body trembling. She's horrified by this entire situation, she's horrified at her reaction, horrified by his _lack _of reaction and suddenly, she wants to _hate_ him for this. She wants to hate him for making her _feel_ anything, but she _can't_. Because he's _Hiccup_ and she's _Astrid_ and that still has to mean something. Anything really. "Hiccup." She says his name softly once more, this time adding an even quieter, "please."

She can hear him sigh, can see one of his hands disappear and she knows (just knows), his hand is running over his face in exhaustion (they're both _so_ exhausted) and rubs the back of his neck. She watches his hand fall back in place, watches as he shifts from one foot to the next and her eyes fall to the foot that's there but isn't all there and her stomach somersaults and she can feel the bile in her throat and _God, when did everything get so fucked up?_

She takes a deep breath but doesn't move, suddenly finding herself frozen in her spot. "I came." As if that will take away from all those times she wasn't there. As if that absolves her from all her previous sins.

He turns around, his green eyes boring into hers with such resigned sadness and sorrow that she nearly staggers back. He shrugs a shoulder, and gives her a half-smile. It's sarcastic and a little bit bitter and a little bit tired and a little bit sad and a little bit defeated and it's every overwhelming emotion she can think of rolled into half a fucking smile that isn't even a smile and she feels sick to her stomach all over again. "You shouldn't have bothered." He tells her. He's not rude, not even bitter and she almost wishes he were. He looks behind her where she knows no one lingers. He lets out a huff of breath and walks towards her, heaving a sigh and looks at her with eyes she doesn't recognize anymore. "I'll…I'll see you later. Or…I don't know…maybe I won't. It…it doesn't matter anymore. I'm…" He steels himself, body shaking, head shaking (everything shaking and Astrid stands there, close enough to feel his body heat and all she wants to do is wrap her arms around his thin waist and lay her head on his chest and listen to his heart beat wildly like she used to do when they were kids.) "I'm done."

He leaves her on the pier, heart pounding, blood thrumming through her veins and she lets out a ragged gasp, a broken breath as her chest clenches and she blinks rapidly trying to erase any sign of tears stinging behind her eyes.

It doesn't matter how long she stays in her spot. It doesn't matter that the sun is up and people are rising from their sleeps, day already starting. It doesn't matter that she has somewhere to be in a couple hours. It doesn't matter that her life, will essentially end and begin again in a few hours, nothing matters.

Except for the boy with green eyes, freckles and a prosthetic foot walking away from her.

Humphrey "Hiccup" Haddock III has never walked away from her.

(In the darkest part of her mind, a voice tells her that it was bound to happen one day and despite her protests to the contrary, she deserves it. They all do.)

(The truth doesn't make it hurt any less.)

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><p>Berk High School has a total of three hundred graduating students this year. It's a small town on the outskirts of Los Angeles, where everyone knows everyone and hardly any knocks are needed before one pushes their way into their neighbour's house, with a gleeful shout. It's a tight knit community that takes care of their own.<p>

Hiccup snorts and then sighs and fixes his tie in the make-shift mirror hanging crookedly off the wall, frowning at it before tugging it off, huffing and trying to tie it again.

He can see the students in the mirror, most ignoring him, finding their own friends, hugging and squealing to each other like this is the last time they're ever going to see each other.

For the most part, Hiccup knows it true. At least for him, because he took the furthest universities and applied. He got his rejection letters and his acceptance letters but it was _one _university he was waiting for. _One_ university he wanted more than anything and he worked his ass off to get it. So, it was with glee that he jumped and whooped and fist pumped empty air in an empty house when he finally got the acceptance letter to NYU.

"Need help?" A soft voice breaks through his thoughts.

He can feel his heart speed up and he can feel the way it drops from his chest to his stomach and he closes his eyes, hoping that when he opens them, he'd find that he just imagined her, like he tried to just imagine her earlier this morning. Except, when he opens his eyes, she's still there, graduation robe donned and cap tightly clasped in her hands. She's biting her lip, a habit from when she was younger and drawing shapes in the ground with her shoes (another habit from when she was younger, Hiccup knows _all_ of her habits. He knows _everything_ about her…in not a creepy way. Or at least, in what he hopes isn't a creepy way.)

She doesn't give him a chance to answer before she places the cap haphazardly on her head and reaches for his tie. He watches her through wide eyes as she goes through the movements like second nature and he watches as her nimble fingers move quickly, tugging and pulling and looping. She makes everything she does look like an art form and he's the audience, left in awe and speechless of her.

(God, he's such a sap.)

When she's done, she doesn't back away like he expects. She doesn't say anything, (not that he even expects her to say something to him, because he doesn't.) She hasn't said anything to him in a long time.

(_But that's a lie isn't it_, a voice tells him in the back of his mind tells him.)

"NYU_?" A voice breaks through his furious thoughts of algorithms and it's so sudden, so shrill, so unbelieving, that it startles him. He jolts, banging his good knee against the table and biting back a curse. He looks up, eyes wide to see her in her blonde fury. _

_Astrid Hofferson is a force to be reckoned with on good days and on bad days, she's like a tornado, twisting through your life and leaving you a jumbled incoherent tragic mess. _

_(And suddenly, he's taken back to days underneath a starry sky and promises of making it big in the Big City and dreams of living on Broadway and seeing shows, taking in the sights and going to school, making a life in the City that Never Sleeps. He remembers making plans about getting lost in a city that's too big for its own good and no one knowing them except for them. He remembers promises of them making it there, just the two of them, always and forever. And then he remembers that promises are made to be broken and Astrid Hofferson knows how to break them beautifully.)_

"_Why are you looking at NYU?" She asks him in a voice that isn't quite bitter but more unbelieving and he's suddenly angry at her. Just because she can throw away everything they planned and everything they promised each other, doesn't mean he will. Because if anything, he's only been more determined to leave Berk and head to a city where no one knows him and no one knows his story or background or anything and maybe, just maybe, he can Humphrey again and not Hiccup. _

"_Well," he answers in a drawl that's probably too sarcastic for his own good and he watches her eyes narrow at the tone of his voice, remembering that she knows every single tone of his voice, "it is the school I'm going to so-"_

_She cuts him off, "you're going to New York?"_

_She stares at him, blue eyes glowing with restrained emotion that he can't quite place. _

_And just like that, Astrid Hofferson makes him feel three feet tall. So, he shrugs and nods slowly, turning his head back down to his homework and chicken scratch writing. "Yeah. I'm going to New York."_

"_You're going to New York." She says again and this time it's not a question but more of a statement. _

_He almost (almost) can imagine the, without me. _

_(Almost.)_

"Hiccup?" Her voice takes him out of his memory and he shakes his head, staring down at her. She still hasn't moved from her place, but now her hands are on his chest, likely feeling his rapid heartbeat (_oh, hey heart, if you could calm down, that would be great, oh wait, what? You're ignoring me. Fine. Okay.)_ "Listen, about NYU-"

She's cut off by a teacher, who asks her to follow her because the Principle wants to talk to her about her speech and Hiccup can see the frustration in her eyes and he can see the glare she's giving the teacher and he almost wants to laugh, but he _doesn't_. Instead, he places his hands on her wrists and her head whips to face him and he lets go of her like hot coals because he _knows_ Astrid's stares and glares and he hates being on the evil end of those.

He gives her a lopsided smile that probably isn't all there and lightly punches her shoulder, "knock `em dead, champ."

And then he walks away because he can't stand being in her presence anymore. He can't stand being near her anymore because he'll do something stupid, like open his mouth and talk and ask her something crazy like, _why? Why did you leave me? What did I do? Was I not good enough?_ Or something even crazier like, _I needed you and you weren't there. You left me. I needed you and you left me. _Or the ultimate catastrophe, _I still love you. I never stopped. I don't think I know how to._

"Hiccup." She calls out, her voice lost in the crowd of students he disappears into. "Hiccup!"

(He catalogues her voice and stares and glares and the way she bites her lip and traces patterns with her shoes on the ground, in his mind, for those long lonely New York days.)

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><p>When she runs into Ruff, the girl has the grace to look ashamed. "You went then?"<p>

Astrid glares at her and pushes her back. "Yeah. And _you didn't_. In fact, I didn't see your brother or Seth or Fish there either. So, _what the hell happened_?"

Ruff sighs and huffs through her lips. "Didn't think anyone would show up."

"Hiccup did." Astrid hisses, aware of the stares she's getting and vaguely aware of a tall lanky blonde and short stocky brunette making their way towards them. "I did. We promised, _Roslyn_."

"Ouch." Tuff snickered, "the real name, huh? What'd you do this ti-_OW! Shit_, Astrid, what the hell?"

"Where were you?" She seethes, sending her glare towards the two boys. "Where the hell were you this morning?"

"Come on Astrid, it was a promise made a century ago."

"Shut your mouth _Snot-face_."

"Didn't know you cared so much." He shoots back, puffing out his chest.

She points a finger to herself, eyes hard and chest tightening. "_I'm_ the only one who cares."

"_Really_?" Seth says, his voice filled with disbelief and sarcasm (sarcasm doesn't look good on him, sarcasm only looks good on Hiccup.) "Because there are _years_ that say otherwise."

Silence reigns over the group. The twins simultaneously make faces and let out low whistles.

Astrid's anger deflates and her shoulders sag, aware of the truth that slaps her in the face.

"Look," Seth tries to placate, "we're all culpable-"

"Big word." Tuff interrupts with a smirk.

"You two more so than us." Ruff says. At their looks, she shrugs and holds up her hands. "Look, _you_," she points to Seth, "are his _cousin_. You're his flesh and blood and you abandoned him and made his life basically miserable because your crowd of meat-eating hyenas-albeit _hot_ crowd of meat-eating hyenas, is Eret single?-anyways, said you should. _You_," she points to Astrid, "were his best friend. The love of his life and you abandoned him too. _We_," she points to herself and Tuff, "and wherever Fish is-and really, where _is_ Fish anyways?"

"I saw him arguing with his Calculus teach other about his grade." Tuff says absent-mindedly, smiling at a redhead as she walked by.

"Right. We were the friends. The ones who come and go. In the grand scheme of things, we meant nothing."

"Hey!" Tuff yelps offended. "I mean a lot. Okay? Like _a lot_."

"That's not true." Astrid snaps, crossing her arms over her chest. "We all meant something to him and we all let him down. Okay? We all screwed up. But today-"

"Astrid," Seth cuts in and his voice is tired and when she looks at him, there is a guarded look in his eyes, "just _give it up_ already. What's done is done. This is our last summer together, okay? Let's just, not make it such a big deal."

They should have made it a big deal, years ago. They should have fought harder, understood more, been less afraid.

_She_ should have been less afraid.

_She_ should have been stronger.

(And isn't that _hilarious_? The great Astrid Hofferson should have been stronger.)

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><p>As soon as the ceremony is over, he grabs Gobber and hobbles over to the car.<p>

"No sayin' bye ta yer friends?" Gobber asks, his voice light but heavy.

Hiccup spares him a glance but Gobber nods and puts the key in the ignition, starting the car up with a backfire that shocks the people in the parking lot. The car makes its way out of the lot and away from the building and Hiccup doesn't breathe properly until it's a spot in the rearview mirror and his diploma is a wrinkled mess in his lap.

They sit in silence when they pull up to the house staring at Hiccup's car that holds his suitcases and what little is left of his life.

"Ya got everythin' ya need, then?" Gobber says, breaking the silence.

Hiccup nods, words suddenly escaping him.

"And ya got the keys ta my loft, yeah? Plain luck I decided ta keep it. It's yours now. Make it yer home."

There's another silence and then Gobber closes the distance, grabbing Hiccup by the shoulders and pulling him to him. He smells like oil and exhaust and it's a familiar scent that Hiccup will miss most. "I'mma miss you lad. Proud of ya, but I'mma miss ya. `member ol' Gobber when yer all famous writing articles for those fancy mags, yeah?"

Hiccup stifles a laugh and pats Gobber's back. "Don't think I'll be forgetting you anytime soon, Gobber." He pulls back and gives him a half-smile. "I owe you…Gobber you…if it weren't for you, I just…what I mean is…thank-you."

Gobber's bottom lip trembles and he heaves in a big sigh. "Anythin' and everythin' fer ya, Hiccup. Anythin' and everythin'."

"So," he says, arms swinging by his side, "this is it. I'm leaving. I'm going. I told you I was accepted to NYU. I graduated today. Hence why I'm leaving. Today. Now. I mean, it's not that I'm running away, or maybe I am, but it's an opportunity that I'm going to take. You'd…you'd be proud of me, I think. I hope." He lets out a little cough and rubs the back of his neck, blinking away tears. "I…I won't be coming by as much. Gobber though, he said he'd come by, make sure everything was okay. Make sure that you were…you know, comfortable. At peace. All that."

He sighs and runs his fingers along the cold stones. "I'll…I'll miss you. I always miss you guys. More than...more than you could know and I'll…I'll carry you in my heart forever. Wherever I go, you'll be with me."

He presses three fingers to his lips and then places them on each tombstone.

One kiss for each life lost and torn away from him.

"Berk was your home. Guess it's time to find mine. I love you." He takes in a deep breath of hot air. "Goodbye."

(When he gets into the car, he leans against the steering wheel before reach up and pulling down the visor, taking the picture taped to the inside and stares at it until his sight is blurred. He watches as his tears drop down onto the photo, covering his mom, dad and black lab in tears.)

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><p>It's mid-afternoon when Hiccup finally gets onto the main street of Berk. It's empty, but he's not too surprised. There's a party for the graduates at the town hall and Hiccup knows they'll be there for a while. So, he pretends to wave to the places he's been in and out of his entire life and ignores the pang in his chest at leaving the only place he's ever known and continues down the main street, ready to hit the road leading him all the way to New York City, to where no one knows him or his story.<p>

He almost feels bad for not telling anyone and then he wonders who he would have told. His cousin? No. _No._ Seth made it clear who his friends were and who he wanted to associate with and Hiccup didn't make that list. Unless it was to be made fun of. He made the list.

Ruff and Tuff? No. The twins often went to the beat of their own combined drums.

Fish? No. Hiccup and Fish drifted apart years ago, because once Hiccup saw that everyone else left, he only knew it would be a matter of time before Fish left and Hiccup spared him prolonged agony of being his friend and told him to go.

Astrid? _Astrid._ Well…Astrid already knows. She already_ knew_. She _always_ knew. But _no_. Not Astrid. Not anymore.

He's stopped at a red light, eyes taking in the seconds it takes before it turns green and he's out of the town, away from everything that haunts him. His foot hovers over the gas and before he presses down, a body darts in front of the car, palms slapping against the hood. He slams on the brakes and puts it in park, sticking his head out of the window. "Are you _crazy_?!" He yells at her. "You're crazy. I could have _killed_ you."

She gives him a grin that's a little bit nervous and a little bit excited and his heart stammers against his ribs. She walks over to his side and it's only then that he sees the suitcases and duffle bags by her side. She takes in a deep breath and he takes in her shorts, t-shirt and flip-flops. "Got room for one more?" She asks him, blue eyes wide and twinkling with something akin to hope and maybe even a little bit of fear.

"Astrid," he sighs, "I'm going to New York."

She nods and fishes out a folded piece of paper that has been read, folded and unfolded so many times. "I know." She responds, smoothing out the paper and hands it to him through the window. "Me too."

He grabs the paper and reads it, recognizing the familiar crest.

_Dear Miss Hofferson, _

_We are pleased to offer you..._

It's the same letter he received, except instead of an academic scholarship, Astrid's holding an athletic scholarship. His head snaps up to meet hers. "NYU?" He asks her.

She nods. "NYU." (He almost, almost, hears the, _with you_.) "So," she says, after a moment of silence, "got room for one more?"

He stares at her a little bit longer and then the letter and back at her and blinks. Before he knows it, he's nodding his head and listening as the words, "yeah. Yeah, I do," come out of his mouth.

(_Well_, he thinks as he watches Astrid heft her belongings into the car quickly and slide into the passenger seat, buckling her seatbelt, shifting down in the seat, trying to get comfortable for the long drive ahead, _my life just got infinitely more interesting.)_

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><p><em>So, yeah. I hope you all enjoyed this first offering! Thank you so much for giving it a chance! It means a lot to me! Again, there may seem like a whole bunch missing and that's on purpose, because it'll all be revealed in due time. This will primarily be Hiccup but there will be interactions with others. It's more a coming-of-age story and about love, forgiveness and the people we thought we could let go of but really can't because they're a part of us. Let me know what you guys think!<em>

_Thanks again!_

_MAD LOVE AND RESPECT, _

_**BB**_


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